Laminated Book of Dreams (a reprint of a finer work)

currently, ms. mosephine and i are looking for an apartment in San Francisco. We’ve spent the last 2 weeks as good people in San Francisco do, trolling craigslist.org and going to open houses and all that jazz trying to find a flat that works with our requirements and price range. We have a list of requirements… negotiable and non-negotiable. For our maximum price, it had better have all of them.

An apartment came up in SOMA and it was in out price range, had all of our requirements, and, though the location was not necessarily ideal, it was at such a price that we were willing to overlook that detail. The pictures looked pretty good. So, I sent an email off to the renter asking to arrange a time for a viewing:

From: simsea
Subject: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed bdrms
Date: July 8, 2008 8:42:18 AM PDT
To: hous-######@craigslist.org

Hello,

I am very interested in the apartment advertised on craigslist.org. Is it possible to arrange a viewing today before 3 pm or tomorrow?

Regards,
simsea

Short and to the point. I got the following email in reply the next day:

From: [some email address]
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 9, 2008 6:55:08 AM PDT
To: simsea

Hi,

The apartment is available now, i am the owner, fully furnished, i can rent it unfurnished too, all the utilities are included (water, garbage, electricity, heat..etc). Pets are allowed. This is not a share or something, the whole apartment is for rent and the price per month is $#,###. I am asking for 1 month’s rent payment plus 1 month as security deposit, the 1 month is for the 1st and the deposit will be returned at the end of the lease. So, it’s a total of $#,###. If my terms are ok with you please reply back, if you have questions please free to ask. More photos here: [link removed]

Thank you
Maria Clinton

Ok, all the important information is there… also, all utilities are included!? Sweetness… then i asked the all too critical question, “what’s wrong with it?” So, i sent another email back while i pondered that thought:

From: simsea
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 9, 2008 8:29:44 AM PDT
To: [some email address]

Hello Ms. Clinton,

I agree with your terms and would prefer an unfurnished apartment. For when can we arrange a viewing? I am available this afternoon, tomorrow until the afternoon and all of Friday.

Regards,

simsea

So, then I get this email:

From: [some email address]
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 10, 2008 3:23:11 AM PDT
To: simsea

Hi again,

Just a few more info. Equal size-2 bedrooms/2 bathrooms, 1300 sq. ft., washer/drier in unit, A/C, dishwasher, parking–1 spot included in the rent, safe neighbourhood, very quiet, no noise, close to transportation and everything else. It’s fully furnished, but i can rent it unfurnished also, same price if unfurnished, will use a moving company. As i said, pets are allowed. Building has maintenance-included in the price. The length of the lease is flexible: long/short term.
Now, regarding the transaction itself, i have to tell you that i bought this apartment as an investment and i’ve decided to rent it to cover the mortgage rates. I live in New Jersey and i have noone there to show you the apartment.
But, if you’re truly determined to rent an apartment, i will fly out there and show you the apartment. The thing is that i am an interior designer and i am swamped at work, we have to schedule a date when to come and show it to you, could be this days.
Let me know what your thoughts are and will go from there and, if you could tell me a little something about you, would be ok.
As for me i am an interior designer, i am 45 years old, not married, i am very kind, loving and i like long trips.
Can you, please, tell me an exact day and hour when you could be at the apartment?

Wish you all the best,
Maria Clinton

This email made me invent the name “crazy lady.” Also, the suspicion meter is off the scale on this. Doesn’t the “i am 45…” line kinda make you think I was hitting the craigslist personal ads instead? So, in earnest, I sent an email back thinking this is really weird:

From: simsea
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 10, 2008 8:49:21 AM PDT
To: [some email address]

Hello,

We am very determined to rent an apartment.

[snip…]

Does some time like Saturday 1pm work for you? If it could be sooner, I would be thrilled, but I am a very patient. I would like to hear your thoughts on availability.

Regards,
Andrew

Ms. mosephine and I went to dinner and pondered how weird this all was. I figured that if all is as this Clinton woman claims, then she’s probably someone who hangs out on Ok Cupid. So I thought maybe I’d have some friends of mine who have accounts have a look. I then thought that google will work just as well. I narrowed the search down to a page that someone posted in Hoboken, NJ detailing this exact scenario, but with the place of abode being San Francisco instead of New Jersey. He screamed SCAM. Our feelings we in agreement. Shame. Then comes the absolute hook:

From: [some email address]
Subject: Re: 2br - Luxury loft-style condo in the heart of SOMA w/ 2 enclosed ...
Date: July 12, 2008 1:42:13 PM PDT
To: simsea

I am having second thoughts, i am not feeling comfortable to fly out there without an ensurance first.
I’ve been burned before and if you want i will explain. All i need from you is to show good
faith, that you are serious about renting the apartment. I am having a very hard time with my boss in order to let me take a few days off, she said she will let me do it finally ,but i don’t want to just fly out there for nothing. My proposal for you is to wire the $#,### to a familly mamber or to a friend of yours via money gram, then e-mail me the receipt that money gram will give you, do not pick up the funds before i verify with money gram, if you’d pick up the funds before i verify with money gram the whole thing would be for nothing and will return to square one. If they’ll confirm that the funds is there i will contact you and let you know that i verified and then you can pick up the funds back from money gram and i’ll book the next flight and will fly out and meet you to show you the apartment. I would feel more comfortable knowing that you have the money and you are a serious tenant. When you make the money gram transfer deduct the fees from the $#,###. We will meet there and show you the apartment, if you don’t like it i will refund you for the money gram fees. If you like the apartment you pay me, we sign the lease, i will let the keys to you and you can move.

You can find a Money Gram location here:
http://www.moneygram.com/eFindUs/findUs.do?countryCode=US&languageCode=en

Thank you

P.S. Maybe you don’t know what money gram is, money gram is the fastest way to send money all over the world and they have 1000s of agencies all over the world. You have to know that for making a money gram transfer you need cash and to go in person with the cash to a money gram location and make the transfer, you have to have your IDs with you. That’s why i choose money gram and i think that this is best to make proof of funds in my opinion.

Kind regards,
Maria

Yeah. Sure.

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we're still alive. We had a slightly rocky start and instead if driving the bug, we had to leave it behind. It was being all meh and not running to my level of confidence. Suffice to say that I'm disappointed, but happy it decided to do that when we were still in eastern MA rather than somewhere further along. So we're making a great adventure with 2.0 litres of turbo-charged madness. Awesome.

Anyway, we've been to upstate New York, and then Shenendoah, Virginia, and now we're in Chapel Hill, North Carolina. The whole eastern seaboard is being a bit of a dash as we have people we're seeing so it puts us to agreed times. It's good because we want off this coast.

More to come.

I went to the midnight showing of the new Indiana Jones film, The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I wasn’t expecting much, to be honest, as it would appear that the only person that screened the film that liked it was R. Ebert., and he, apparently, thought it was the greatest thing since soap was invented somewhere around 2500 B.C.

To its credit, the film had a lot in the way of movement and there was rarely a dull moment. Plenty of tense action scenes very much like the old Indy films we remember from way back. The filmmakers spent an awful lot of effort to make it look like the old films. Shot on cellulose film instead of digital, favouring stuntmen over C.G. effects where possible. These are definitely to its credit in terms of aesthetic viewability.

In terms of the plot, however, we have a problem. During the film, homage is paid to the previous films. The opening scene had me giggling about “that’s where they stored the Arc of the Covenant” and sure enough, we get a glimpse (to, I might add, the cheers of rowdy movie goers. At midnight, all movie goers are a bit rowdy t’would seem). We get a glimpse of a picture of the eternally sexy Sean Connery as Henry Jones Sr. We’re treated to some classic Indy moments and mannerisms. Sadly, it’s not Indy versus the Nazis, but rather Indy versus the Commies. We are unfortunately dealing with an amalgam of all Indy plots that came before but this time, for good measure, we’re going to throw on a good dose of…

I don’t know how to say this without being a bit of a spoiler for those of you who actually care about spoilers…

What’s the one thing you can think of that would make you look Indy in the face and say “you’ve got to be fucking kidding me”?

First, let me say that the setups are bloody ridiculous from the word go.

Secondly, let me say that i didn’t mind when it was all in good humour.

Lastly, when you figure out the answer to the above question, you will probably be less inclined to agree with R. Ebert, and more inclined to say “Indy… how… could you?”

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Now, I don’t normally watch Hardball or any of the other shouting match political so-called debate shows (part of this is that I don’t own a television and I don’t spend my life looking for the shows that I’m allegedly “missing out on” because I don’t own a television), but this one was sent to me for the sheer comedy goldmine that lays within.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK0d8ENS__c

Verdict: If you’re going to flap about historically loaded words, you ought to know to what they refer. “Appeasement” the way that President G. W. Bush made reference to it is a powerfully loaded word with specific connotations. Missing that is missing the real meaning of the thing. Bandying around words like “appeasement” without knowing their meaning in order to drive nails into political coffins is a dangerous game.

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VW decided that they’d poll everyone about everything (their mascot is a classic VW beetle, looks like late 50s model) and some handy person has added a “More Cowbell?” poll. You know what to do.

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“Rich People: God Bless Us. We deserve all the opportunities to make sure our country and our blessings continue to the next generation.” - H. R. Clinton.

I’m wondering if the Obamas were all sitting around watching Senator and Former First Lady, Hillary Clinton, on the O’Reilly television programme, and, when she utter those words, released a triumphant howl of “Oh Yes!” Not only does she want to paint Senator Obama as an elitist, out of touch with the hearts and minds of American families, but now she spreads her wings as an entitled elitist out of touch with the common people.

Bloody Plebs, eh?

I have to give O’Reilly a small amount of credit here. “I’m not a middle class family, I’m a rich guy.” Honest and to the point.

Lets be fair here, it’s not like Obama hasn’t said or done some nasty things during this campaign, but I have to admire that he stood up and said that it’s got kinda nasty, it’s time to stop, and it just goes to show that no one is immune to rolling around with the pigs from time to time.

The Age of Entitlement in America must end.

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“why are you making a giant English muffin?”

“because we’re making a giant eggs benedict.”

“ah, of course”

Did I take photographs? Of course I took photographs

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May I have your attention please?

Hillary Clinton thinks you are stupid. There are a number of reasons that I say this. Most recently, that she’s convinced you are all too stupid to notice that she’s been lying to you and covering up by smearing and distorting the truth some more, inventing controversy where there is none. As a more general rule, she thinks you are all too stupid to do anything for yourselves. You need her to do it for you.

Do you think that she is right?

[edit: added some links and one for good measure]

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I have been playing on Facebook. Despite the controversy surrounding their practices, I can still play scrabble with my friends around the globe and I can still vague keep / get back in touch with people that I’ve accidentally lost contact with over the years. I install very few “applications” because mostly they are idiotic and irritating.

Yes, I am an elitist.

Visual bookshelf seemed like a good idea. I’ve recently discovered that I am allowed and capable of reading for fun (reading previously did not really make that much sense to me if it wasn’t a technical paper or book) and visual bookshelf is a pretty neat way to keep track and hear other people’s thoughts on potential future reading materials. Lately, it’s decided to send me emails saying “you’ve been reading this book for a week now. Is this still the case?” which is a bit of a “you read so slowly! Taunt!” Ah well. My excuse is that I read in binges and those binges don’t necessarily fall conveniently at the ends of books. So, shush now, “Visual Bookshelf”.

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The first is that ms. mosephine and i (more ms. mosephine than i, but still) came up with a new product idea. Combination fax and shreader. Fax’n’shread 6000. Think of the possibilities! No? Oh well.

The second is that I opened a CafePress shop to spread my filth across the land. Currently, it is called “PopGoesArt” because I had “Pop Goes the Weasel” stuck in my head after a discussion at work about the most addictive song ever. Should you want to weigh in on the most addictive song ever discussion, feel free.

These are the contributions:

Blake: Thao “Bag Of Hammers” at http://www.myspace.com/thaomusic
Max: Bonnie Tyler “Total Eclipse of the Heart” (seconded by Dr. B)
Dusty: Ramones “Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue”
Dr. B: Yo Gabba Gabba “Party In My Tummy”
Dr. B: Sesame Street “Ma Na Ma Na”
Simsea: Le Tigre “Deceptacon”
James: “Banana Phone”
Blake: Money Mark “Push The Button”

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“you know… Dark side of the moon makes so much sense when you’re eating cheese.” - max eskin

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Teilhard de Chardin described the idea of the “Omega Point” as the critical point of consciousness which draws the universe towards higher states of consciousness. In some ways, I think last night I had the experience of not the Omega Point, but of a point in the space-time continuum that… has… always happened. It is the beginning, a point in time that was inescapable, unavoidable… like a keystone in time where suddenly mysteries become transparent and the future, while unknown, is both terrifying and alluring.

I know my path and I will go forward.

Also, happy Valentine’s day to all you people. May your lives be filled every day with love and that you never value yourselves by who loves you, but by who you love.

Re-Evolution - The Shamen

“If the truth can be told so as to be understood it will be believed”

Human history represents such a radical break with the natural systems of biological organisation that preceded it that it must be the response to a kind of attractor or dwell point that lies ahead in the temporal dimension. Persistently western religions have integrated into their theologies the notion of a kind of end of the world. And I think that a lot of psychedelic experimentation sort of confirms this intuition. I mean it isn’t going to happen according to any of the scenarios of orthodox religion, but the basic intuition that the universe seeks closure in a kind of Omega point of transcendence is confirmed. It’s almost as though this object in hyperspace, glittering in hyperspace, throws off reflections of itself, which actually ricochet into the past, illuminating this mystic, inspiring that saint or visionary, and that out of these fragmentary glimpses of Eternity we can build a kind of a map of not only the past universe and the evolutionary ingression into novelty, but a kind of map of the future.

This is what Shamanism has always been about.

A Shaman is someone who has been to the end. It is someone who knows how the world really works, and knowing how the world really works, means to have risen outside, above, beyond the dimensions of ordinary spacetime and cozooistry and actually seen the wiring under the board: stepped outside the confines of learned culture and learned and embedded language into the domain of Wittgenstein called the unspeakable, the Transcendental presence of the Other, which can be sectioned in various ways to yield Systems of Knowledge which can be brought back into ordinary social space for the good of the Community. So in the context of 90% of human culture, the Shaman has been the Agent of Evolution, because the Shaman learns techniques to go between ordinary reality and the domain of the ideas: this higher dimensional continuum that is somehow parallel to us, available to us and yet ordinarily occluded to us by cultural convention out of the fear of the Mystery, I believe, and what the Shamans are, are people who have been able to de-condition themselves from the community’s instinctual distrust of the Mystery, and go into this bewildering Higher Dimension, and gain Knowledge, recover the jewel lost at the Beginning of Time, save souls, cure, commune with the Ancestors and so forth and so on. Shamanism is not a religion - it’s a set of techniques, and the Principle Technique is the use of psychedelic plants. What psychedelics do is they dissolve boundaries; and in the presence of dissolved boundaries One cannot continue to close One’s eyes to the ruination of the Earth, the poisoning of the Seas and the consequences of two thousand years of unchallenged Dominator culture, based on Monotheism, hatred of Nature, suppression of the Female and so forth and so on. So, what Shamans have to do is act as exemplars by making this cosmic journey to the domain of the Gaian Ideas, and then bringing them back in the form of Art, to the struggle to Save the World. The Planet has a kind of intelligence, that it can actually Open a Channel of communication with an individual human being. The message that Nature sends is transform your language through a synergy between Electronic culture and the Psychedelic Imagination; a synergy between Dance and Idea; a synergy between Understanding and Intuition, and dissolve the boundaries which your culture has sanctioned between you.

Become part of this Gaian Supermind.

I mean I think it’s fairly profound, it’s fairly Apocalyptic. History is ending, I mean we are to be the generation that witnesses the Revelation of the purpose of the Cosmos. History is the shock wave of the Eschaton. History is the shock wave of Eschatology. And what this means for those of us who will live through this transition into Hyperspace is that we will be privileged to see the greatest release of Concressed Change probably since the birth of the Universe. The twentieth Century is the shudder that announces the approaching Cataracts of Time over which our Species and the destiny of this Planet is about to be swept.

“If the truth can be told so as to be understood it will be believed”

The emphasis in House music and rave culture on physiologically compatible rhythms, and this sort of thing, is really the re-discovery of the art of Natural Magic with sound. That sound, properly understood, especially percussive sound, can actually change neurological states, and large groups of people getting together in the presence of this kind of music are creating a telepathic community, a bonding, that hopefully will be strong enough to carry the Vision out into the main stream of Society. I think the Youth culture that is emerging in the nineties is an End of the Millennium culture that is actually summing up Western Civilisation, and pointing us in an entirely different direction; that we are going to arrive in the Third Millennium in the middle of an Archaic revival which will mean a revival of these physiologically empowering rhythm signatures, a new Art, a new Social Vision, a new relationship to Nature, to Feminism, to Ego - all of these things are taking hold, and not a Moment too Soon.

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So I went to have the damage assessed on my car. It looks like this:

It estimates the cost of fixing it like this:
$1,366.19

My hands are little balls of fury. If you happen to be an SUV driving jackass in the carpark of Wachusett Mountain on Saturday 9th Feb 2008, at about 4:30pm that ran into a very awesome VW GTI and then buggered off… I bet your parents are proud of you.

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I’m really kind of pissed off right now. This morning (and when I say “this morning” I really mean “this afternoon”) when I went out for brunch, I passed by the back of my car and realised that some idiot had side-swiped the back corner of my car. From the looks of things it happened the previous day in a carpark, but I hadn’t noticed until it was back. Damage done, I’d prefer it not being perpetrated by one of my neighbours. I have to bring the car in the morning to have a quote on how much it will cost to fix it. Chances are, it’s less than the deductible on my insurance, so the only point in reporting it will be to raise my premium.

Why does this piss me off? It’s not because I have some deep attachment to material possessions, but rather that it’s just another in a series of events that makes me think that it is a fading trend in this country to be righteous and noble, and an increasing trend to be a complete jackass with an overgrown sense of entitlement. America’s Age of Entitlement continues.

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When driving in the rain, should your vehicle begin to hydroplane (or aquaplane), as the driver should you:

• a) accelerate as hard as humanly possible
• b) brake with the strength of a thousand bears
• c) ease off the accelerator gently to regain control

If you picked a or b… you were probably driving near me on my commute this morning. May your immortal soul be purged of your humanly stupidity.

In other news, if you are able to do so, please vote in the primaries.

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We had a Burns’ supper last night. Being the host, I had two toasts… the first was the Loyal Toast (”to the health of the monarch (or to the leader of the country if it is not a monarchy)”). That’d be George.

Loyal Toast

To dear ol’ Georgy
You’ve gone and let us down
For all said and done
You’ve come out like a clown
Despite what they say
You’re a good man, I thought
When I checked eBay
No finer could be bought

t’were we in Blighty
to Liz, I’d raise a glass
an old one for sure
but that bird’s got class
next year’s coming quick
so we wait a bit more
let’s have a small drink
to your way out the door

The other was my toast to the lassies

Toast to the Lassies

Around this room is a fine collection
Of lasses due for all our… attentions
The fairer sex, and with fair good reason,
Capture our hearts for all of the seasons

There is nothing we wouldn’t try to do
If there be a chance of impressing you
For the attention of a lady fair
We boast and brag and even comb our hair

A mountain we’d climb, a river we’d cross
Our friends would think that it’s our minds we’d lost
No end to our admiration so true
Determined we are to be close to you

For rogues we may be, misguided and rough
We cannot disguise, no matter how tough
Our weakness for all your womanly guiles
Would have us learn even a little style.

If for our egos we’re lacking in tact
The size of our… hearts… will pick up the slack
For as much as we love, we love some more
When a wee bonnie lass becomes our… companion

With no tease or taunt or slight intended
We lads stand here with our… glasses… extended
And to you, our women, a toast proclaim
For without you, life would scarce be the same

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I have finished writing my toasts for the Burns’ supper! Hurrah! I shall share them after they are given, but I thought I’d mention that I’d actually written them!

This weekend, we went to see Blonde Redhead at the Paradise Rock Club. They were ace. I really liked them. They lacked some of the expected enthusiasm, but that had to do, in part, to the apparent cold that the singer woman was suffering, and also to the fact that I’ve never seen a crowd get down and boogie at the Paradise. They give nothing, they get nothing. The opening act was… 50/50… called School of 7 Bells. (that’s right zeeb!… 7 bells… not 6… not 8… 7) They had some ace harmonies between the 2 singer women. Sadly, I wanted to see them cut loose from script and rock that house, but they did not… Sad.

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Catholic LDS groups think I should skip the Golden Compass because it promotes an anti-Catholic / Atheist agenda. I’m so going to see that film.

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Hilary Clinton. The folks over on reddit are having a commentary discussion on if anyone actually likes Mrs. Clinton. The top comment, mimicked by quite a few that followed it was, essentially, that the people who would vote for her don’t know much about her politics, but “it’s time for a woman President”. I’d like to address this slightly.

It most certainly is time for a woman President. Oh! What I would give for a black woman who is either atheist or Muslim as a Presidential candidate. Man! That would rock! Imagine the disruption that would cause! And, if only it were that simple! A single issue like “I like the cut of their suit” or “I like their shoes” or “They’ve got a lovely bunch of coconuts” would be enough to select an appropriate and effective candidate. It isn’t though, and I’m annoyed at “reverse sexism” as much as I’m annoyed with “reverse racism”.

She’s not a woman. She’s a candidate for President. And not a good one at that!

There’s a nice table of issues to consider. Sure it’s not a complete set of the issues one would like to consider, but it’s a good breakdown if you’re too bloody lazy to check up on these things on your own. In the tables, she’s pretty solid on the liberal side: pro-choice, pro-same-sex-civil-union, pro-stem-cell-research, anti-Iraq-quagmire, hurrah-for-Kyoto… but wait a second… pro-”Patriot”-Act? pro-border-fence? pro-Iran-military-action?

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

Isn’t there something wrong with, on one side, opposing the current quagmire of Jr’s making, but being all about the impending quagmire of Iran? She voted for the war in Iraq in the first place! Isn’t this clearly a sign that she’s not learning from her mistakes or the mistakes of the past?

With a joker like this getting support because she’s got ovaries and all the other girl parts, why aren’t we allowing a professional joker (Colbert) from running? Sure, he’s not got girl parts, and his skin is white, but maybe being a comic has taught him a little something about honesty.

[edit: I don’t actually know for gospel truth *fact* that Colbert doesn’t have girly bits, but it’s a guess that I don’t really feel like contemplating too hard]

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Today, November 1st, is apparently “Write Your Own Epitaph Day”. Here’s mine:

     Here lies a man called sim
  remember well what you knew of him
 the witty one at the back of the room
with all the charm to make ladies swoon

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